Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
