and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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