I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
