we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
