Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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