We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
