why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
