the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
