well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
