You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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