Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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