I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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