Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize