so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
