It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
