Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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