There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
