The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
