I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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