tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
