No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
