Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
