my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
