Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
