he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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