My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
