He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
