can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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