Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
