My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
