Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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