I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
