thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
