If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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