What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
