we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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