Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
