Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
