The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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