my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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