I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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