YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
