Tell her she can't have a vagina
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
