Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
