so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
