I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
