there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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