I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
