he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
