Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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