Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
