and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
