I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
