It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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