my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
