you didnt know i had herpes?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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