The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Drake has all the answers
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
