Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
