Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
