I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
