I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
