Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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