is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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