So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
