I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
