I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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