white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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