I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
