That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
