This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
