can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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