This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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