saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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